Observations About Ulag II

The first thing that you will notice if you happen to crash on the planet Ulag II is that the landscape is remarkably similar to Earth’s. Also, you will notice that the females of Ulag II have three breasts. The people of Ulag II are tall, beautiful, humanoid creatures with green skin. The men have large, sloping foreheads, and the women all have three perky teats. You will soon find out that it is rude on Ulag II to refuse a meal if it is offered to you. It is also considered rude to stare at the females’ three massive boobs. On Ulag II, they have no concept of money. They also have no concept of shirts, because at all times, the women’s three giant jugs are exposed.

On Ulag II, when you meet someone, instead of shaking hands, you gently bump foreheads. Also, on Ulag II, the women have three titties instead of two. While you are on Ulag II, you are never thirsty, because one drink of their crystal clear water leaves you satisfied for days. Also while you are on Ulag II, your erection never goes away because you are constantly staring down the barrel of at least one set of three big naturals. The people of Ulag II have no knowledge of Earthly customs. Still, they do not believe you when you say it is customary on Earth to cup the female’s bosom while speaking to them. Looking at the landscape of Ulag II is like looking at a more pure version of Earth, the way it might have looked thousands of years ago. Looking at the women of Ulag II is like looking at your ex-girlfriend, but with one extra boob.

The people of Ulag II are very good at fixing broken spaceships. The women of Ulag II are very good at tattling on you when they find you cutting wires on your ship at night. Sometimes, on Ulag II, they will lock you in a room until your spaceship is fixed. Also, they sometimes will take your knife away from you because they think the pictures that you carved into the wall are obscene. When you go to leave Ulag II, only the men say goodbye to you, and the women do not come outside.

When you leave Ulag II, you will miss it. You will often think about accidentally crashing your ship into Ulag II again. You also might try to do this, and accidentally crash onto Ulag III, where you will find out the women only have two breasts, but the men have fourteen dicks. Also, on Ulag III they are bad at fixing spaceships.

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