Man’s Best Friend

What does it take to be happy?  For a lot of people it’s money.  A nice house.  That big screen television.  The perfect Italian marble counter tops.  For me it’s simpler than that.  All I need to be truly happy is the love of a good dog.

A good dog is always there for you, no matter what.  When you come home from a long day of work, and you’re tired and grumpy, guess who will still be there for you.  Your dog, that’s who.  Who doesn’t care that you’d rather watch Cheers reruns than the new Lars von Trier film?  Your dog!  And guess who will always keep you company while you’re out walking around town?  You guessed it.  All the hot girls that love dogs.  Man’s best friend?  More like man’s best wingman.  I mean, this dog will get you maaaad ‘tang!

I just don’t understand how someone could say they would rather have money than a good dog.  Money can buy you material possessions, sure, but at the end of the day, I’ve got my dog who loves me, protects me, and brings in a nice little chunk of change through competitive dog fighting.  Seriously, I was able to walk into Fazoli’s and tell my manager, Trevor, that no, I wasn’t going to be coming in on Wednesday.  Or Thursday.  Or ever again, because I found a new job, and it’s watching my dog tear the shit out of other dogs’ throats.

My dog has given me companionship.  I’ve started hanging out with Derek and Cody, two of the guys from the fights.  They’re pretty cool, and they were able to point me in the direction of some booger sugar, which was something I’d been meaning to try.  In fact, I was able to start dealing, which supplemented my dog fighting money nicely.

Having a dog around just brightens my mood.  Let’s say I’m feeling upset because one of my clients, Kevin, is having problems getting me the money he promised.  Well, I’ll just take my dog for a nice walk over to Kevin’s house.  I don’t know if it’s the fresh air, the exercise, or just seeing my dog’s slobbering maw snapping at Kevin’s throat-meat, but I always seem to feel better after one of these walks.

I see everyone walking around with their iPhones and their Kindle Fires and I just shake my head.  Maybe someday they’ll realize what it truly takes to be happy.  The love of a good dog.

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