If you are reading this pamphlet, then you are one of the lucky individuals being relocated to Earth 2.
Earth 2, or as it was formally known, The Moon, will be your new home away from home. It will also be your new regular home, because you are not allowed to return to Earth 1.
You’ve probably heard a lot about Earth 2. You’ve probably heard that it’s a barren wasteland where it’s difficult to maintain any quality of life. Well guess what, we’re rebranding. Think of Earth 2 in the same way you think of Australia, and not just because the first inhabitants were violent prisoners.
Earth 2 is your destination for adventure. Hike along the edge one of Earth 2’s gorgeous canyons. Challenge yourself by climbing to the peak of a class 5 mountain. Enjoy the thrill of hunting wild dogs. In fact, each Earth 2 inhabitant is given a firearm on their arrival, and the termination of these wild dogs is encouraged for your safety.
Here on Earth 2, sunglasses are practically a part of the uniform! At the very least, they are highly encouraged, along with liberal use of sunscreen (SPF 70+), because the lack of a natural atmosphere means absolutely no solar ray filtration.
On Earth 2, be sure to take advantage of the many community exercise centers, which include the most up-to-date fitness equipment. On the back of this pamphlet you will find an “Exercise Log” which you are encouraged to use, or you will experience crippling atrophy of the muscles and bones in just a few short months.
One of best things about Earth 2 is the strong sense of community. It won’t take long to settle into the close-knit settlements and really get to know you’re neighbor. Earth 2 is the kind of place where you know your mailman’s name and you wave to everyone you pass on the street. It is also the kind of place where if you try to settle outside the established “safe-zones”, you will quickly be ravaged by the marauders who roam the underpopulated landscape.
We have included a complimentary Nook Touch in your care package. We hope you enjoy your time here on Earth 2.