The Most Feared Cowboy in the West

Buck Skinkle was widely considered the most feared cowboy in the wild west. When Buck came into town, shops would close and the streets would clear. The wind didn’t blow when Buck was around, and dogs whimpered when he passed.

Buck Skinkle had a peculiar way of speaking, which you would never forget. That is, if you were fortunate enough to survive after hearing him speak. According to most folks, he pronounced his Rs like Ws, and he frequently punctuated his terse sentences with the word “girlfriend”.

Old Buck never wore a hat, no matter how bright the sun was. His skin was almost always fiery red and flaking. His hair, jet black, hung down in a perfectly even bowl cut around his head. Rumor was, if you caught a flake of his dandruff, you’d have good luck for a year.

People said that if you looked him in the eye, on the rare occasion that they weren’t swollen completely shut with pink eye, you’d drop dead within the week.

Buck didn’t carry a pistol like most men did. No, he was more fond of the 18th century broadsword that he carried across his back. According to legend, he’d often unsheathe it, throw it straight up in the air, and run from it, just for his own amusement.

Everyone could hear Buck Skinkle coming. It was that familiar, dreaded sound of the whoopie cushions on the bottom of his shoes and the warm milk sloshing around in his canteen. Once he was near, he was said to smell of shea butter and decay. His belly hung down past his shirt and swayed in such a way that you felt like you were being hypnotized when you watched him walk.

Anything Buck touched would be covered in sticky peanut butter. People briefly speculated that he was a peanut butter man, but it was discovered that he just kept peanut butter in his pockets. He slept on an old mildewy pile of boards outside of town, generally going to bed at 10pm and waking up at 6am for a quick jog.

Eventually Buck Skinkle stopped coming into town. Some suspected he rode a tornado further out west. Others thought that maybe he was eaten by a pack of wild dogs, a theory that was supported by the human bones found near Buck’s old pile of boards.

Regardless of where he is today, Buck Skinkle was, for about a two week period, the most feared cowboy in the west.

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