Dr. Henry Walton “Indiana” Jones Jr., 61, of New York City, died May 9, 1960 in the Peng Lai Moutains of South China after being crushed to death by a slow-moving wall of spikes.
Dr. Jones was born July 1, 1899, in Princeton, New Jersey, to Henry and Anna Jones.
His interests included traveling, hats, being double-crossed, talking about how much he hated snakes, and stealing priceless artifacts from ancient temples and tombs. During his extensive travels, Dr. Jones encountered many slow-moving walls of spikes, and would often recount tales of narrowly escaping them.
His family started the “Indiana Jones Slow-Moving Wall of Spikes Awareness Fund”, with the hopes of raising awareness about the dangers of raiding tombs, and slow-moving walls of spikes specifically. Donations will be accepted at the memorial service, which will be held as soon as officials are able to figure out how to remove his remains from the ancient deathtrap in which they are stuck.