First 2012 Presidential Debate: Transcript

Jim Lehrer: Good evening from the Magness Arena at the University of Denver in Denver, Colorado. I’m Jim Lehrer of the “PBS NewsHour,” and I welcome you to the first of the 2012 presidential debates between President Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee, and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, the Republican nominee….
The audience here in the hall has promised to remain silent — no cheers, applause, boos, hisses, kissy noises, armpit farts, whistling, spring-like sounds indicating an erection, tongue clicks, whoopee cushions, sounds like that girl from The Grudge, exceptional guitar riffs, buzzer sounds indicating a wrong answer, blowing on a blade of grass, meowing, beat boxing, horse whinnies, saying “R’uh R’oh” in a Scooby Doo voice, Chewbacca sounds, among other noisy distracting things, so we may all concentrate on what the candidates have to say. There will be none of Tim Allen’s signature noises, and if Michael Winslow is here, we’re going to ask him to leave just to be safe.  There is a noise exception right now, though, as we welcome President Obama and Governor Romney.

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