Halloween Tips

How to Get Rid of a Ghost
-Have your home blessed by a priest.
-Perform a seance to determine what the ghost needs to move on.
-Change laundry detergent.
-Urinate across every doorway in your home and rub castor oil on all the toilet seats.
-Play The Best of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on repeat.  The ghost will leave on its own accord.

How to Get Rid of a Werewolf
-Shoot it with a silver bullet.
-Stab it with a silver knife.
-Invite it to dinner and allow it to use your authentic silverware.
-Propose marriage to it using a sterling silver ring.
-Expose it to the music of Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band.
-Hold a screening of the 2007 film Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
-Take the werewolf to the zoo and show it the silverback gorilla exhibit.

How to Get Rid of a Vampire
-Stab a wooden stake through its heart.
-Expose it to sunlight.
-Prepare the vampire this meal.
-Drop an oversize anvil on it.
-Throw it into the vacuum of space.
-Hire a magician, such as Crisstopher Angel, to make it disappear.

How to Get Rid of a Witch
-Not an issues.  Simply avoid the “occult” section at Barnes & Noble.

How to Get Rid of a Phantom of Your Opera
-That’s just a weird man.  You could ask him to leave.  If he does not, you may call the police.

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